


AI Writes Diakko

by PigeonStation



Category: Little Witch Academia
Genre: Crack, F/F, Incomprehensible, Only Slightly Cursed, WTF is happening, an ai wrote this, fluff if you squint hard enough, gets slightly nsfw but the AI chickened out
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-08
Updated: 2021-02-08
Packaged: 2021-03-13 07:55:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,654
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29275056
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PigeonStation/pseuds/PigeonStation
Summary: Have you ever wondered how an artificial neural network might write a Diakko fic?Well wonder no more, because I've conducted this very science experiment just for you!Enjoy this utterly incomprehensible fic!
Relationships: Diana Cavendish/Atsuko "Akko" Kagari
Comments: 31
Kudos: 56





	AI Writes Diakko

**Author's Note:**

> Yes, I'm serious. The following is written by an artificial neural network trained on thousands of fanfics (among other things). It's as beautiful as I expected.
> 
> More details can be found in the notes at the end.

Diana was anxious to confess to Akko.

She wanted to let go of the ghosts of her past and make a fresh start.

She wanted to tell Akko everything that had been weighing on her heart and soul.

"Hi," Akko replied back while rushing a hand through her ponytails.

Diana nearly jumped a foot.

Her eyes had fallen on Akko.

 _This wasn't supposed to happen,_ she reminded herself.

"Hi, Akko. Nice to see you," she said calmly, though in reality, she felt like her legs were going to fold underneath her and she would be falling flat on her bottom.

“Diana, what was it that you wanted to tell me?” Akko asked. Diana blushed.

“I… I’m sorry,” she said. “It’s nothing personal. I’m sorry if I worried you.”

“Well, I wasn’t worried!”

“Oh, I know, but… I wanted to say thank you for helping me find Professor Verres.”

“He wouldn’t have been found if it weren’t for you,” Akko responded, grinning. “Don’t worry about it, Diana.”

Diana’s face turned red, so she buried it behind her hair. “Oh… it’s nothing.”

“How about this?” Akko said. “Let’s be like Siamese twins and show each other what we like.”

Diana watched Akko with bated breath.

“You really don’t have to do this,” she said quietly. “It’s just for a lark, nothing more. I know you just want to make me happy, but it’s not going to make me any happier. And it’s not going to make Zeref any less dangerous. You’re doing this for the wrong reasons.”

“I’m doing this for you,” replied Diana, putting on a brave face. “I really care about you. I want you to be happy, and as much as I love Zeref, I know you’ll be better off without him. You deserve better.”

Diana couldn’t have imagined what Akko was about to say next. “I just want you to know that I’ve been thinking about us a lot lately, and I want to talk to you about it.”

Diana blinked. “Ah… what’s going on, Akko?”

Akko felt like she was about to cry. “I want to start dating you.”

“Dating me?” Diana couldn’t believe it. “You want to date me? You’ve been blowing my mind lately, kid! I mean, yes, I’m pretty, but as far as you’re concerned, I’m more of a queen bee, right?”

“Akko, please, it’s important. You’re the most incredible person I know, and I’d love to date you,” Diana said.

“I know, but I don’t want to break your heart, I mean,” Akko said.

“I know, but I love you.” Diana replied. “And I don’t want to feel like I’m cheating on Lenny. We can just wait.”

“If you really love me, then why can’t you tell me you want to date me?” Akko asked.

“Because,” Diana said. “I can’t have you love me, and I can’t have you feel like I’m being unfaithful to my husband, and I can’t break his heart.”

“It’s not about the marriage, Diana. We’re not married. We’re together. We’re not going to leave each other,” Akko said.

“I know. But I still love you. I can’t stop the way I feel,” Diana replied.

“And I’m still in love with you. I can’t stop loving you,” Akko said.

“It’s not about love. It’s about commitment.”

Kiriko became tearful.

“We could have both been happy. I’m sorry. I just…” she said.

She left the room.

“Diana, if you want to get married, I’ll marry you. We could just do it. I’m in love with you,” she said.

“I know,” Diana said. “I do love you, too. But I think it would be better for everyone if Akko would date me.”

“Diana!” Lisa started. “This isn’t funny! She’s just a little kid!”

“It’s true, though,” Diana said. “Look, she would be happy. She would like the attention. Plus, I’m used to this. I have been wanting to date this kid since the moment I saw her. She’s so cute! I just know she would be better with me than with any of those other boys in school. You should go. I’ll make you some coffee.”

Lisa couldn’t say no. “Alright.”

In the months that followed, the two of them went out on a few dates. Diana and Akko were deeply in love.

It was as much love as Akko had ever felt before, maybe even more.

So, naturally, she couldn't control herself and did something a little impulsive.

Akko stared after Diana's retreating figure as she ran towards the shed.

This is it, she thought, this is what she really wanted for the rest of her life.

She had never had a lover before, at least not a relationship where both lovers loved each other as deeply as she loved Diana, but the feelings she had for Diana were all she had ever wanted to feel.

Feelings she now feared she might lose.

Diana had been very clear that a relationship with her, as with any human female, would only lead to a broken heart at some point.

The ache of such a relationship would be more than Akko could bear and would be to Akko something almost unbearable.

It would be the end of her.

All the ideals and plans she had gathered since she had started learning magic were all that kept her going.

Akko had broken through numerous barriers in the past years to get Diana to open up to her.

Over the years, she'd learned how to pry into Diana's thoughts, so she could watch as Diana 'did things'.

In the last few months, she'd spent countless hours trying to come up with an idea to get Diana to leave the library, so she could have her chance.

She'd be prepared with a plan.

And she thought that her plan was perfect.

Her hands were shaking as she wrapped her fingers around the key and undid the lock, which sent a shiver of satisfaction through her.

The grin on Akko's face was devious as she looked at Diana, who had yet to notice her.

"See, I told you I'd have to get you eventually."

Akko said, snickering as she opened the door.

The room she saw was a small and somewhat tidy room, most of it being a desk and chair.

There was a small kitchen area at the back of the room, a small bedroom off to the side, and to the right was a bathroom.

In the center of the room was a bed with black sheets, with white pillows, and two curtains hanging off the side.

"Good. The room's just about the size of a phone booth," Akko said. “Now, Diana, I have you all to myself. I can eat all the bacon and eggs and go jogging and pick on you to no end. Is that what you want?”

“No,” Princess Diana said without hesitation. “I want you to stop calling me ‘Princess Diana.’ That is not my name.”

“Really? Why’s that?”

“Because you are not my Prince,” she said. “And you have not slept with me, which is not fair.”

“But you said that was not your name.”

“I have now changed my mind,” she said, glancing at her reflection in the mirror and popping her arms out. “I am ready, Akko. But I'm going to let you play with me some more before you get me naked. I'm not sure I'll be able to handle it."

She got down on all fours and then put her lips against Akko's, kissing her all over her face and neck.

She started a sensuous grind of her hips, leaning up and pulling the petals apart.

Akko pulled her head back. "That's a good girl. We're making a little playground, then. Some flowers."

"We... what do you mean, making?"

"It doesn't matter. Let me show you." She slipped the panties out from between Diana's legs and used them to cover her as she got on her knees in front of the girl, her body positioned so that her ass was out and Diana could see her. She put her other hand on her hip. "Are you okay with this?"

"No."

Akko pulled herself off the bed. "But you said we were playing and I like playing with you."

"I know, but it's something else." Diana slid herself down the bed. “I have been thinking for a while now. You said you and Shiki were playing. But…”

“But I said something bad in the past? I said I loved you?” Ako asked as Diana paused, looking over at her with an intense, confused expression.

“And I also said I didn’t love you. Not in the way you’re thinking.”

“Oh. So I wasn’t—”

“That’s not what I was saying. It’s just—”

“Oh…” Akko gulped as she looked away.

“So I haven’t said I love you, or in the past have not loved you. I am, after all, you,” Diana said.

“But I—”

“But what, Akko-chan?” Diana cut her off.

“You said it yourself, I want to be close to you,” Akko explained. “If this is not enough, you know what I want.”

“I do know, and I am open to it,” Diana smiled at her.

“Then what about kissing? I won’t let anything bad happen, but I just feel like it would make me feel… not alone.”

“Whatever you feel comfortable with, Akko,” Diana said. She lightly tapped her own leg with her foot. “I won’t let you regret it.”

“Diana—”

“I’m not saying I’m going to kiss you, but if I am, just think of it as… a peck on the cheek to break the ice.”

Akko took a deep breath, looking at Diana. “Okay.”

“Good. Then let’s go,” Diana said, smiling at her.

Akko smiled back, but then glanced back towards Moka, who was smiling at her.

“Okay,” she said. “But, um, not now, right? First we need to prepare for the second story.”

“Got it,” Diana said.

**Author's Note:**

> why do these OCs keep appearing out of nowhere?
> 
> wtf why is that ending so eerily meta??
> 
> and did the AI really chicken out last minute on the smut?? At least it recognises consent (thank god)
> 
> The neural network I used is a demo of InferKit (try it yourself!): https://app.inferkit.com/demo
> 
> If you think that the AI has ADHD, then you would be correct. Because it actually does.
> 
> The demo version (and maybe even the full version) of InferKit has two important limitations: 1. there is a length limit to your input, and 2. the output won't go on forever - I would presume that it stops once the algorithm feels that it can't make any more "confident" predictions.
> 
> What this means is that in order to string together a reasonably sized fic, I had to keep feeding it prompts based on what it had generated before in order to keep the story going. But since the input is limited, it means that the AI has a *very* short-term memory. Which, for example, is why despite Akko and Diana having kissed earlier in the fic, the AI thinks that they have yet to have their first kiss at the end of the fic. I think this makes the whole thing even funnier.
> 
> Also, because of the above reasons, I had to do a little moderation (or perhaps "curation" is a better way to put it) on the output. For example, sometimes the AI would be inconsistent with Akko's gender. Other times, it would give Diana and Akko a sisterly or motherly relationship, which would have been *very* cursed. I've even experienced the displeasure of the AI straight up giving me the worst smut to ever grace my eyes.
> 
> Will I continue? GOD I sure hope not!


End file.
